Frozen
by Maverick88
Summary: The vampire is neither ghost nor demon, but possesses the mysterious and terrible qualities of both. Bella is about to find out what it means to become one. Set after Eclipse, Bella's POV. WIP
1. The Gates Of Hell

**Title: **Frozen

**By:** Maverick88

**Disclaimer:** well, obviously I haven't written the books, so none of these lovely characters belong to me. I'm just borrowing them for a while. No profit is made from these harmless dabbles.

**A/N:** there are a lot of fics with speculation about what will happen to Bella in Breaking Dawn. None of them are mine, so I thought I might as well let my thoughts run free along with the rest of you. This is going to be a multichapter story, so please review. Every comment, idea or rant is appreciated. Even if you don't like it, tell me! We've got freedom of speech here. Might as well put some use to it.

**FROZENFROZENFROZENFROZEN**

"_Three days, no big deal." _

I should've kept my big mouth shut. How wrong I was. It was easy to underestimate physical pain. It doesn't linger in memory the way a hurt ego does. When your body stops complaining, your mind does as well. That's the beauty of it. Otherwise we would be sitting down with shrinks explaining the significance of a bruised pinky we had 5 years ago. No, it's when we're reminded how horrible pain can be that we wish someone had warned us beforehand. The worst part of this was that Edward actually had warned me. I was just too stubborn to listen. Or maybe I was scared that if I did, I wouldn't have had the spine to go through with it.

After Edward bit me, after the initial excruciating moments of experiencing the kind of pain equivalent of being thrown into a frying pan, Carlisle's morphine kicked in and I lost consciousness for 2 days, though it seemed like mere hours to me. Or maybe it was all just a memory gap. When I awakened, I was in Edwards—and soon to be mine-- bedroom.

Opening my eyes seemed a near impossible feat. The lids felt heavy and swollen. When I finally did, the room swayed in and out of focus. I blinked and tried to lift my head. Bad move. Pain exploded behind my eyes and I groaned in agony. It took a while before I had rustled up the courage to do it again.

It was so quiet, it made my ears hurt. But they weren't the only ones burning. My throat ached, hell even my teeth hurt. But it was my head that took the front row. It was pounding so much and so loudly I began considering someone was actually hitting it.

I slowly opened my eyes again and carefully took in my surroundings. Carlisle was on a chair beside my bed. I turned my head toward him, then winced shortly after. He then looked up briefly, met my eyes and walked towards me.

"Where's Edward?" I asked, though it came out sounding muffled, like my mouth was stuffed with feathers. I swallowed and repeated the question with more success this time.

I then let my head sink back into the pillow, exhausted by this small effort.

"I sent him out, after--" Carlisles deep voice had taken on a rough quality. Concerned Topaz eyes framed his flawless face. "After you started screaming."

That certainly explained why I wasn't able to manage any small talk. A pang of guilt washed through me as the that special night flooded back into my head. It's magic was completely lost now. Edward gave me everything and I gave him this back in return. But then, I had allowed Alice to plan that catastrophic wedding….

I gritted my teeth as I tried to move. Noone was going to hear anything coming out of my mouth unless it was decipherable speech. But Carlisle pushed me back onto the bed.

"No Bella, you must rest, let it run it's course. Fighting it will not help."

He looked at me with those damn unblinking eyes and I surrendered, letting my head fall back onto the pillow. I sought compromise instead.

"Can…Edward…come?" I managed, my eyes boring into his, hoping to convey the message my screwed up mouth couldn't. _I'm going to be a good girl, I promise. _

"Please?" I added for good measure, knowing I was hitting below the belt. The magic word really did do magic in the Cullen family.

He nodded and I closed my eyes. Sleep didn't tug at me this time. Even though my head felt like someone had stuffed it with marshmallows, it felt _clear _at the same time. It was then, that I realized I must've been past the worst. It also meant that those nightmares, or hallucinations, or whatever you want to call it were the last dreams I was ever going to have. I swallowed hard.

I peeled my eyes open when a cool hand brushed along my forehead, raking its fingers through my hair. I managed the smallest of smiles when I stared up into that face. Impossible to forget. But it wasn't his face, nor his touch that was the first to mark his entrance. I _smelled _him first.

He lowered himself into a chair next to me, bringing his face on eyelevel, but he didn't stop stroking my hair.

As always, his flawless face continued to baffle me. The ache that had been constantly present all over my body took a back seat. As my eyes ran over his troubled features, I took in the dark shade of his eyes and the shadows beneath them. He hadn't fed since my Transition had begun. I swallowed as I pictured him pacing outside of the room, unable to cope with my screaming and trashing any longer, but unable to really leave either.

"Are…you…alright?" I rasped, feeling the worry rolling off him in waves.

He smiled my favorite uneven smile, though it didn't reach his eyes.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" His voice was soft, gentle, almost a whisper. I picked it up clear as day. I realized then that no one had risen above the level of my raspy speech, yet I had no problem picking it up. Slowly it began to dawn on me that my senses had improved dramatically. Normally I had to strain to pick it up.

"I'm…okay." Edward obviously sought reassurance that my lack of noise wasn't some Morphine side-effect, because his eyes flicked to Carlisle before resting on my face again.

The blonde vampire eyed me thoughtfully before formulating a reply. "The venom has spread throughout her body. You can see some changes have already occurred." To prove his point, he strode over to me and gently lifting my right hand, pointing at the barely visible scar of a nasty cut I'd gotten at the wedding. "She's healing." Still, there was an underlying presence of anxiety in his words that I couldn't place.

"It's the 3rd day," Edward said. He tilted his head as if listening to something. I then realized my heart was still beating at a normal rate, but receding.

Fear raced through me as I recalled what I had been told me about the process of becoming a vampire.

_"The greatest pain begins when the venom is all the way through the body, through the heart, and it starts meeting itself in the veins again and then burning them dry. It moves slower than blood because it's thicker. Each beat of the heart can only push it so far. The changing/burning process is slow. The venom has to leak through to every cell before it ends._"

God, I was only half way through the conversion. The worst was yet to come. My panicked gaze flickered to Edward, who had by the looks of him come to the same conclusion. His marble features had paled even further—if that was even possible. The shadows under his eyes were more prominent and suddenly it occurred to me that he looked _tired.  
_

I cut my gaze to Carlisle. "No more…morphine." He looked at me with doubt in his eyes, seemingly weighing the options. More morphine would dull the pain, but it seemed to stretch the process at the same time.

_"The pain of transformation is the sharpest memory vampires have of their human life." _I suddenly remembered and wondered why the hell my cluttered mind chose _now _to become organized. I looked at Edward and made up my mind.

I was a big girl, I was going to take the pain in stride like the rest of them did. I just hoped I wouldn't scream bloody murder in the process.

I met Carlisle's gaze and he nodded. Suddenly I wondered if Edward wasn't the only mind reader in the Cullen family. I concentrated on my heartbeat, which was slowing by the second. I could feel the new pain boiling, like an animal waiting to be freed of it's cage.

I was standing before the gates of hell. I told myself I could handle the explosion, as long as no innocent bystanders would be hurt by flying shrapnel. I had to be fast.

"Edward." As if he wasn't looking at me already. He stroked my face, as if knowing what was about to come, bracing himself for it. "I heard Emmet….found a place…where there's mountain lion." I threw him a lifeline. He was hesitant to take it. "You shouldn't…pass up…such an opportunity."

**TBC****……**

**FROZENFROZENFROZENFROZEN**

**A/N2: **I know this first chapter might've been a bit of a drag for you, but I simply couldn't skim over Bella's transformation. Tell me what you think, please. Positive or negative.


	2. Unexpected Visit

**Title:** Frozen (Chapter 2)

**By:** Maverick88

**Disclaimer:** obviously all the characters belong to the Twilight universe created by Stephanie Meyer. I'm just playing around with them.

**A/N:** thanks for the kind reviews! I can't tell you how great it is to open up your mailbox and read that people like your stuff, or atleast took the time to read it all. So keep em coming! Like it, hate it: voice your opinion! One more thing: English isn't my first language, so sorry for all the mistakes I might or might not have made.

Okay, onto the story:

**FROZENFROZENFROZENFROZENFROZENFROZENFROZENFROZEN**

_Real _pain cannot be described. I can tell you how much I squirmed, writhed and screamed. I can tell you I flailed my arms and legs with so much force Carlisle had to pin me down in order to keep me in bed. But words fail to describe the intensity of it. When my transition advanced into 2nd gear, the pain was relentless. It was all consuming, crippling _Hell.  
_

I was on the verge of becoming insane. Pain was the only thing I could think of, yet my head hurt so much I could barely think at all. My heart was straining to beat the thick venom mixture around. But it was a stubborn little bastard, because I'd figured it would've stopped working by now. Luck wasn't on my side: I was still going on strong, 30 beats per minute.

I just wanted it all to be over. I wanted to die. I wanted someone to take me to the North Pole and turn me into a Penguin.

"Bella?"

Through the haze of agony my ears picked up the familiar honey voice. It was as beautiful but it sounded wrong. Feminine.

"Rosalie." It came out as a grunt. I winced as I felt the rawness of my own voice. My mind wasn't ready to deal, couldn't comprehend. What was she doing here? Suddenly an anger so fierce it was terrifying boiled up inside me.

She was going to ask me if I regretted my decision. She was going to remind me how wrong I was. I couldn't see her but it wasn't hard to picture that gorgeous, angeletic face mocking me. I also wasn't sure I was able to contain myself if she did. I took comfort in the idea that Carlisle could.

I clenched my fists when I sensed her getting closer to me. My ears picked up the sound of a chair being moved over to my side. I still didn't open my eyes. I was too afraid.

Another wave of scorching pain went through me and I gasped, but I managed to snap my mouth shut before yet another scream could escape. I would not give her the satisfaction of hearing me.

"I thought you'd like some distraction, since Edward is hunting with the others."

Edward. Carlisle had _ordered _him to participate after my initial bribe failed. The only reason he agreed to leave my side was because Alice would tag along. And because he'd rather cut off an arm than refuse Carlisle. I was happy he went. I didn't want him to be here when I was my worst. I'd been trying to bite back the agony, but sometimes I couldn't help myself. He needed the distraction as much as I did.

"I brought some books, which I'll read to you, so you have something to focus on."

I was struggling to grasp everything she said. Was Rosalie being _nice_ to _me_? I must've been hallucinating again. I carefully opened one of my eyes. And there she was alright, like a dark angel. Her eyes were light, butterscotch. Full lips were curved into a hesitant smile. Long blonde hair framed her pale face, falling down her shoulders like a wild waterfall.

By now I was used to her impossible beauty.

What shocked me was her gaze –filled with nothing but concern for me. A detached part of my mind wondered if that was the new ability I was bringing into this life: making friend and fiend go all mushy on me.

"I…thought…you…didn't…like me." A tremor racked through my body like a thunderclap. I groaned, squeezed my eyes shut and curled up in a ball. No more talk from my side today, I vowed.

Silence filled the room. It took so long that at one point I wondered if she left. The burning sensation of being thrown inside a pool of lava kept my mind occupied enough to allow for some things to slip by unnoticed.

"I couldn't understand it at first." Rosalie's velvet voice led my thoughts away from the burning depths of my personal Hell. I concentrated on it.

"You had so much potential in your human life. A loving family, friends… I knew you loved Edward, but I couldn't understand how you could throw away _everything_ just like that. Like I told you, _your _life was the dream I secretly cherished. I'm content, but to have children, to grow old, to go through all stages of age, that is what I _really_ want."

She paused, as if weighing her words. I was painfully aware of the silence and let out a sigh of relief when she continued.

"But then I saw you and Edward together. Really saw you. I was always too shallow to believe that any love could be stronger than what's between Emmet and I. I ignored it when we first left you, even though it was painfully obvious Edward would be never more than a shadow of his former self without you."

She took a deep breath. She was struggling with her story. Her words didn't seem to flow as seamlessly as they used to.

"I ignored it when you tried to kill yourself, showing that you had as much of a hole in your chest as he did. And then, thanks to me, Edward snapped and almost got himself killed. I might have just as well pulled the trigger myself."

I flinched at the memory and the deep regret that rang in those words.

"And then you showed up." She cast her eyes downward, her shoulders slumping.

"I had a hard time straightening myself out. Edward wouldn't spare me one look. He still hasn't forgiven me." The last part was almost inaudible.

"When I last talked to you, I still hadn't fully allowed myself to grasp what you two are to each other. To confuse things more, that wolf pup followed you around like you were a bitch in heat."

She stopped to see if she'd offended me. She hadn't. But considering my brain seemed to be of as much use as a boiled egg filling up my skull, I couldn't say for sure.

"But I understand now. Real love is as consuming as the pain you're in now." She said thoughtfully.

I just gaped at her absently. I filed everything away for further analysis, because right now I was sure my mind had turned into Jell-O.

She misread my expression and stiffened. "I understand if you want me to go away."

"No…don't." I tried to sit up, but fell back into the pillow panting as another stab of pain threatened to split me in half. "I'm….just…can't focus." Hell, I couldn't even formulate one grammatically correct sentence.

"Read to me, please." That came out better than expected and I was rewarded with one of her infamous megawatt smiles. Her enthusiasm reminded me of Alice, though I wouldn't have dreamed of comparing the two before.

"I know you like reading all that heavy literature. But I figured something light and harmless was more suitable." She held up a Harry Potter book and I couldn't help myself. I laughed.

The sound was hollow and raspy and it made my chest contract, but it was welcome.

I let my head sink back into the pillow as Rosalie's colorful voice carried the story. Before I closed my eyes, I glanced in Carlisle's direction.

Edward's adoptive father stood leaning against the entrance like a statue and I could swear I saw a smile tugging at his lips.

The pain was still there, the constant ache ravaging my body. But now it acted more like a neglected mistress than anything else. I knew then, that I was going to be alright. No matter what.

**TBC…..**

**FROZENFROZENFROZENFROZENFROZENFROZENFROZENFROZEN**

**A/N: **I hope you all liked that. I also hope you the way I wrote Rosalie made sense to you. And don't worry, all the Cullens have a place in my story. While I'm borrowing them, I might as well make some use of them, right? Feedback would be appreciated!


	3. Dark Turn

Title: Frozen (chapter 3)

**Title:** Frozen (chapter 3)

**By: **Maverick88

**Disclaimer: **Well, Duh. I'm not Stephanie Meyer so I'm obviously not the author of the Twilight series. Just borrowing.

**A/N: **Again, thanks for the lovely feedback! Keep em coming, because as this is my first attempt EVER at a multi chaptered story, I need you all to put me in the know on how I'm doing. This is a dark chapter, so I hope that explains why I'm cutting back on the sarcasm. I'm not completely satisfied with it, but after going over it again and again, I couldn't find a solution to make it better. I'll try to make it up to you in chapter 4.

**FROZENFROZENFROZENFROZENFROZENFROZENFROZENFROZEN**

The fear reflected in his now gold irises was what terrified me the most. Even Rosalie seemed to be taken off guard when he stormed through the door without warning, like a thunderbolt from clear sky. She was up to her feet in a whim. Annoyance was clearly written on her face, her blonde hair whipping wildly around her as if wanting to emphasize the sentiment. "Edward, what the—"

My vision blurred, then cleared when Edward's jaw hardened.

He silenced her with one look.

She snarled under her breath, but moved out of his way nevertheless. His troubled gaze then rested on me and I could practically _feel _his eyes raking over me. Not in a perverse way, but rather a thorough check on whether I was alright or not. I recognized it. But there was _one_ difference: last time it was ignited by my scream.

"Edward, don't--" Alice's warning voice had a shrill quality to it that made my stomach lurch.

I got up then, trying to speak, demanding to know what the hell was going on, but the words wouldn't form on my lips. My head was feeling funny, misty somehow. My breath came in hitches and I didn't even need to listen to know my heart had slowed down to snail pace. My legs felt like rubber and they were aching like I had run a marathon.

Had I entered the last stage? Was I finally becoming a vampire? I saw Jasper standing behind Alice and sudden understood the intensified anxiety in the air. But if even _he_ had a problem containing the vibe he was radiating, then something was _really_ off_. _

All the Cullens were present and neither of them wore the expression I sought. Surely I was just imagining things, overreacting? One look at the normally calm Esme made me run cold. Panic lifted the cobwebs from my mind, but only briefly.

Suddenly, Carlisle's gentle but urgent voice echoed in the room; "Alice, what did you see?"

All heads turned towards the petite girl in the doorway, all but Edward's.

The anxious gleam in his topaz eyes increased as our eyes met. For the instant our gazes

locked, I felt a sudden shock, like a bucket of ice water surging through me, freezing up my insides. I could see very clearly then, clearly enough to notice the sudden widening of his pupils.

I screamed as suddenly what had been frost turned to fire, blazing throughout my body. It was followed up by a blast of intense pain behind my eyes, making it feel like my skull was about to shatter from the pressure.

I collapsed to the floor like a puppet with its strings cut. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't get up. Suddenly the light coming from the lamps was too much for my eyes to handle. Squeezing them shut, I focused on getting air. But I couldn't, it was like my body didn't remember how to do it anymore. Panic engulfed me as my muscles gave out completely and my mind started to shut down.

I blinked, searching for Edward, but he was gone. Then it occurred to me everything had gone completely _silent. _No sound, absolutely nothing. Suddenly I understood. I wasn't becoming a vampire. That's why they were so worked up. I was dying.

Blackness tugged at me and it was dangerously tempting to give in. All I wanted to was to see his face once more. I struggled to open my eyes. When I did, I noticed a crumpled form near the door. Though his face was not angled toward me, the bronze hair was unmistakable, even through blurry vision.

He was still. Too still…

**T.B.C….**

**FROZENFROZENFROZENFROZENFROZEN**

A/N: Yes, I know I'm evil for letting you all hang like that. But don't worry, I'll update soon! Stay tuned.


	4. Inseparable

**Title: Frozen (chapter 4)**

**By: **Mavrick88

**Disclaimer:** don't own anything, just the plot.

**A/N: **I've made a little jump into the future. Everything will become clear in time. As usual, I hope you like it! Read and review!

**FROZENFROZENFROZENFROZENFROZENFROZENFROZEN**

'_I HAVE TO DO IT'_

I had been fighting it all night. I knew that I was losing. It was too strong. Just thinking about it made my body shudder, my throat aching. The thirst. My battle was futile. As futile as a woman fighting the first signs of labor because she decided it's an inconvenient time to give birth. Nature wins, it always does. Except that nothing about me was natural anymore.

It was Friday night (or morning, whatever your preference) 4.00 am. I was likely to encounter some youngsters coming back from the party scene. Forks didn't have much of that, but people liked to hang out anyway. Some booze, cigarettes, and a bunch of friends, that's all you need, I've learned. But maybe the cold and drizzle would work in my favor.

I swallowed a wave of anxiety. I had to make sure I got into the woods without any encounters. I held my breath. It was better if I didn't smell anything, no matter how

'inconvenient' that would be.

'_I laughed when Edward told me that.'_

I bit back the flood of memories boiling up inside me. But I couldn't ignore the sound of his velvet voice echoing in my head. It pushed the thirst back for a moment, but when it came back, it came with so much force my control almost slipped. My heart was jumping like a rabbit in a trap.

'_Get out, NOW!'_

I grabbed my backpack in a vain attempt to distract myself, packing what I needed, shoving aside what I didn't. I was living in an old deserted little house with no furniture and the windows had been closed off with wooden plates. When I stepped into the cold, wet night I closed the door carefully-- too much force would wreck it from its hinges. I left it without looking back.

I glanced around, inhaling the scent of the town, the rain. My eyes were adjusted to the dark. I could see very well at night, so well it was hard to imagine that it used to be different. I scanned the streets. Empty. My nose confirmed the observation. Good. I could run now.

By now I'd learned to handle my changed body. My feet practically flew over the muddy ground, and when I hit the pavement I put it into high gear, blurring towards the line of trees. I now understood the excitement Edward had felt when he had dashed through the woods with me. Even the uncooperative 110 lb sack of potatoes on his back hadn't spoiled his fun.

"Stop thinking about him. You'll just dwell on it and become depressed. Again. Eternity is a long time to be miserable, Bella." I muttered to myself. Somehow, saying it out loud made me more conscious about my actions.

Still, I almost startled the deer I was tracking. Cursing myself for being so sloppy, I slowed down and melted into the shadows. Splashes of water dripped from the trees onto my head, saturating my hair. I lifted my head, letting the rain wash over my face, though never allowing my eyes to wander from my prey. Bambi was looking around warily, bordering on alarmed. I decided patience was my friend and sat unmoving for several minutes, until my keen ears registered its heartbeat dropping.

**FROZENFROZENFROZENFROZENFROZEN**

"_Her heartbeat is dropping!" _

_Pacing. My subconscious registered the rhythm -- and my conscious mind snapped awake. However, I kept my eyes closed ... breathing lightly ... listening ... waiting. I felt like I was being pulled back and forth, between life and death, finally settling in an in-between level. "Please tell me that's a good sign." His voice sounded young –too young. Exasperated. _

"_I'm not sure. I've never encountered this before. It's like her body has become immune to the venom halfway through the transition." The older man spoke with the detachment of a surgeon. Carlisle. "Her heart should have stopped by now, the final changes should've occurred. Yet it's still beating, too slow for a human but too fast for a vampire. Her body temperature is 85 degrees and steady. She might even be conscious at this moment."_

_The pacing stopped. I felt someone hovering over me. His scent cleared my head. _

"_Don't." I recognized the voice as Carlisle's, gentle but ringing with authority. "It's too dangerous." Then, a murmur, almost a whisper. "We all thought you were gone, Edward." The barely veiled concern weaved into his voice grounded me and I tried to stay focused._

"_But I'm still here, aren't I?" Edward's voice was sharp, but he sobered at the end. "And she's still here. That's all that matters." _

_Carlisle continued like he hadn't been interrupted. _

"_It was like something was building up in the air, building around her like an electric charge. When she let it loose, I felt it pass me." _

_His voice was saturated with a mixture of concern, fascination and resolution. _

_It stung. _

"_I'll take my chances." It was said icily, without hesitation and I wanted so badly to open my eyes and look up at his face. But everything was heavy. My mind was a haze. I felt conciousness slipping from me. I knew that because my worries disappeared along with it. Before darkness claimed me again, I picked up a whisper._

"_Don't leave me, Bella." _

**FROZENFROZENFROZENFROZENFROZEN**

The deer bolted, snapping me out of my reverie_. _Blinking, I forced myself to concentrate. I crept towards another hiding spot, my steps camouflaged by the sounds of the forest. I listened and sniffed for any signs of company.

Then I heard them. Footsteps. By the rough, noisy sound of them, they belonged to a human. An armed human. I cursed myself for letting someone get the drop on me. Frozen like a statue, I stayed put in my hiding spot, hoping the dark and the rain would work in my favor. I couldn't bolt, because I know he'd notice. I was fast, but I couldn't vanish into thin air.

When the man came closer a new problem began to dawn on me. I could feel my throat tighten. The chance I wouldn't be able to contain myself and jump him was large. I couldn't risk it. I couldn't allow myself to be _a monster. _

I whirled and ran, zigzagging through the thick forest. Some seconds later, I heard the sound of bullets catching trees in their futile attempt to get to me. If I had been in a good mood, I'd have grinned childishly, content that my clumsiness was a thing of the past. But my good mood had vanished along with the other things that mattered in my life. I was a pessimistic freak in my best days.

I blurred until I hit heard sounds of civilization. I was nearing the main road. I sighed, slumping my shoulders. The last few months had worn me out. My mind was a cluttered mess. I couldn't even get my act together to kill a simple deer. I held my breath as I entered town.

As I crossed the streets I could feel the eyes of bystanders on my back. The thirst was staggering. I wanted to snarl at them, but I managed to contain myself. They shied away anyway, scared off by something in my eyes. Satisfied, I continued my journey to nowhere, deep in thought.

I had always envied Edward's ability to be able to tell someone to fuck off with one look. I guess I finally had it down pat. The smallest of smiles tugged at my lips.

I remembered the day I first went hunting with Edward. Someone interrupted us with his Shepard dog, telling us to "get the fuck off" his property--his words, not mine. Edward didn't even look at the man. Instead, he just stared at the dog, eyes blazing. Something passed between them and the dog whimpered and backed away. The owner got spooked –rightfully so—and decided to let it slide. I haven't had a good laugh since that day.

**FROZENFROZENFROZENFROZENFROZEN**

"I think you could use some more hunting lessons; your concentration is lacking." My heart performed an acrobatic leap and I gasped, startled. I realized I had been staring, lost in thought. While I tried to collect myself, I almost tripped over the empty bottles of beer littering the street. _It couldn't be._

"Edward?" Speak of the devil.

A figure materialized from against a building, stepping into the faint glow the lantern supplied. "Don't you agree?"

The light empathized his angular features, and with a pang of guilt I realized he looked different. But that couldn't be possible, could it? Yet somehow he looked older, his face leaner; more man than boy. His wet turtleneck sweater clung to his body, revealing the rippled muscles underneath. The crooked smile was as familiar as ever, though. He had been following me. And I hadn't known this the entire time.

I crossed my arms, trying to reclaim some of my dignity. "You know I hate that walking against the wind shit you do." I looked away, not able to meet his penetrating gaze. "I haven't got it under control yet." I whispered miserably. "Please leave." I could barely get the last request out of my mouth.

Instead of listening to me, he stepped so close, I caught the scent of him. I looked up, angry because he was being so reckless, but relieved because I'd missed him so much.

"It's time to come home, Bella." It was the serious voice that did it. I shoved against his steel-like chest, fighting the anguish running through me. He took a step back.

"You think I don't want that? You think I'm doing this because I'm _enjoying _it?" He didn't know half of it. But when I caught sight of those sharp topaz eyes I wondered if maybe he did. "I'm trying so hard, but I still don't know what the hell IT is."

I slammed my fist into the wall of the building next to us. I took a deep breath when I felt it crack beneath my knuckles. "I'm still a danger to you." I rested my head against the dent I'd caused, rage deflating, replaced by hollow frustration. Eyeing the strong and dangerous vampire in front of me, it was hard to imagine anything being a threat to him. But I was.

"Who'd guess the roles would be reversed one day?" I laughed an unpleasant laugh, then slid to the ground, resting my back against the wall. "What a goddamn joke." Edward crouched beside me in his catlike way, his shoulder brushing against mine. He rested his hand on my knee and I swallowed when I saw the wedding band shining in the darkness. He had been quiet the entire time, waiting for the storm to pass. It was a survival technique he'd picked up quickly. It seems that becoming a vampire also increases your temper.

I finally rested my head against his shoulder. I was spent. "I'm sorry. I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't bare seeing you hurt. So when I couldn't figure out a way to control this _thing, _I decided we'd be better off apart." My pathetic apology didn't even begin to cover it. He deserved better. I straightened myself, raking a hand through my dripping wet hair. When I opened my mouth, he raised his index finger to cut me off.

"Don't. I know why you did it. Because I did the same a couple of years ago. Though you could've guessed that something that didn't work the first time, probably wouldn't work the second either." A small smile played on his lips, but faded quickly.

"I came because Carlisle has a theory." My eyes widened in surprise. I was about to fire a round of skeptical questions, but he rested his hand on my mouth. I blushed, embarrassed he knew me so well. "Let me finish." I nodded and he removed his hand.

"I'm offering you two options." He cupped my face in his hands, his eyes intense. The fact that I was now a vampire (of sorts) didn't make any difference; he still dazzled me. "One: you don't ask questions and you come home with me now so we can test if he's right. Two: you refuse and we'll both be miserable for the rest of our lives."

Just breathing in his scent, being so close to him now made me painfully aware there was never any choice at all. And damn him if he didn't know it himself.

He smirked. "Eternity is a long time to be miserable, isn't it?" Was he throwing my words right back at me or was it a stupid coincidence?

"Well?" He misjudged my silence as hesitation. Seeing his troubled eyes made me scramble to my feet. I was more than willing to go, even if that meant I had to keep my mouth shut and behave myself.

"Let's go home." The twinkle that put life back into his eyes made it worthwhile. If only he hadn't ruined it by saying the following…

"You know I would've dragged you with me anyway if you'd said no." The charming, dazzling smile that spread across his face had to be the work of the devil.

**TBCTBCTBCTBCTBCTBC**

**A/N:** Sorry it took so long guys. I was ill for a while and the mere sight of the computer hurt my eyes. I'll pick up the pace soon though. Read and review please!


	5. Fairy Tale

Title: Frozen (chapter 4)

**Title: Frozen (chapter 5) **

**By: Maverick88**

**Disclaimer: **I'm not Stephanie Meyer, I'm just borrowing from her.

**A/N: **First off: thank you all for your kind reviews and I'm sorry I didn't get back to you one on one to tell you how much I appreciate it. But believe me when I say I do!

"Twilight-purists" can be a bit miffed by this story, as I've been playing a bit, bending the rules and weaving in my own theories. I'll try to explain everything logically (for as far the word "logical" can exist in the vampire world) and I hope you like it.

Not much action in this chappy, which will come later. One spoiler: ever imagined Bella getting fight training from the Cullens? Stay tuned…

**Reviews feed the muse!** Tell me if Bella's sarcastic/cynical narrative annoys you, for example. Ofcourse, if you do like it, tell me as well. This ego can use some inflation ;-)

**FROZENFROZENFROZENFROZEN**

When I awoke for the first time in my new life, everything was different. The pain was gone, my nose better than that of a bloodhound and I could pick up bats making their shrieking high noises as they circled through the air. I also see in the dark pretty well.

Oh yeah, and seeing in the dark doesn't mean when the sun goes down. It also means all the shadows that fall in daylight. I wonder how Edward ever got used to it. It throws your balance, seeing through shadows. Everything has funny, moving dark-light edges to it. You get new looking-through-bad-spectacles distortion on everything, including people. The only time it seemed normal was when I was in the dark. Shadows were shadows again and everything made sense. How typical of Edward to neglect telling me that. Not that it would have stopped me from going through the transition, though….

When I looked in the mirror, I was pleased with what I saw. First off, the shadows were back and they weren't moving (probably some vampire thing) and my usually thin body was more defined; lean instead of soft. I still didn't have much chest, or some bimbo gal's ass, but I wasn't complaining. My face was still my face, but more…intensified, for a lack of better word. My eyes weren't even red—like all vampire newborns have—but the usual chocolate brown. Rosalie's ethereal beauty blew me straight out of the water ofcourse, but I hadn't gone through the transition because of my desire to be pretty.

No, the reason I behind all this was to balance things out between me and Edward. He always had to mind his actions around me (i.e. avoiding accidentally ripping my throat out) and the plan had been for me to become equal to him so we could live happily ever after, just like the fairy tale. The lamb would become a lioness. Simba would get a Nala instead of Pumba…oh wrong analogy. Oh well, you get my drift.

The problem with fairy tales is that they're made up by people, not based on real life (despite how _unreal_ that _real life_ might sound to you.) And for some reason my real life situation never tends to be _simple. _

No, I'm still not equal. Hell, the gap between us couldn't be bigger. I had become an anomaly. Because of some freaky thing of evolution I'm as rare as hen's teeth. I'm the goose's golden egg (or rotten, depending on how you look at it.) The first time I noticed something was wrong with me was when Edward touched me, his marble-like hands cold against my warm skin. His presence –as always—sent my heart into a jumping frenzy. As you must know by now, vampire hearts don't beat. Vampires don't even have blood running through them; their veins are burned clean by the venom.

Hugging a vampire feels much like hugging a wall –a beautiful, well sculpted one, but very wall-like nevertheless. Yet, there's something of a….buzz going on inside them. Life, you might call it. Anyway, I never met a wall that buzzed.

I don't buzz. I have a thumping thing going on in my chest (I call it a beating heart.) I also have blood, but seemingly of a thicker quality. Or maybe my skin is just thicker. What I'm trying to say is that I don't bleed like a stuck pig when I hurt myself. But I do bleed. Just slower. There are lots of other things like that, pointing out that while I'm not normal anymore compared to human standards, I'm not normal by any vampire standards either. I'm stuck in the middle. A freak.

I think my transition hasn't made me stronger in any healthy sense. I am changed, but I'm still sort of human. My muscles are set at emergency strength, like a car with it's gas pedal stuck down. You know those stories about mothers who lift cars when they see their child has been caught underneath? I am in that kind of state the entire time. Only sane, and not driven by fear or some other adrenaline inducing emotion. I think that's were my improved balance also comes from. Ever noticed that people pumped with adrenaline tend to be less clumsy?

The latest side-effect of my 'condition': I managed to knock the only person that really mattered to me into a wall without even raising a finger or consciously thinking about it. That's freaky in the shitting-your-pants kind of way. Fate has a sick sense of humor. I swear I can hear someone laughing up there right now.

Sientifically, I know it shouldn't be possible to be what I am –whatever that may be- and to do what I can do. But then, scientifically speaking wherewolves nor vampires should exist and moms shouldn't be able to lift cars from their kids, because scientifically, it would mean the weight of that car would snap her ankles like twigs and sink her feet a couple of inches into the concrete. I guess I don't believe in science.

Edward didn't admit it to me at first –stubborn that he is- but he was worried about me. And I proved his worries to be found, because when we started becoming more comfortable around eachother again, IT happened. So fast I don't even know what could probably have caused it.

The memory is so vivid, I can close my eyes and see it unfold –like watching a movie.

We were sitting across eachother, discussing, arguing, talking... Edward was leaning toward me with those expressive eyes so entirely focused on the two of us, a war could have taken place next to us and he wouldn't have noticed.

I remember my continued surprise that he was interested in my opinion on even the most trivial things. Sometimes he asked me an unsuspected question, so I'd blurt something out and he'd have this wicked grin on his face because that response was obviously not at all what he'd thought I'd say. Somewhere during the conversation, an ache built up in my head. The last thing I remember was that familiar unsettled look in his eyes, and then my skull felt like it was going to explode, the pain so blinding I couldn't see.

The pain wasn't the worst, though. The worst was after, when I'd opened my eyes again and saw him lying sprawled on the floor, unmoving. I remember rushing (a.k.a. stumbling) to his side, screaming his name, pleading, wishing for him to wake up, threatening empty threats if he wouldn't.

It only took a short time for him to come around, but the damage was already done. Everyone looked at me with guarded eyes, even Carlisle. I read the fear in their gold gazes and when I met Edward's eyes, I was staring into black pools.

I knew then I had to leave. Edward refused to let me go, but I could see what this was doing to him. It drained his energy, made him weak (as far as vampires can get weak) and it took a couple of hunts before he was back to his old self. Still, knowing leaving would be the best thing to do doesn't make the act itself any easier.

The reason I was able to go through with my decision was the fear of ever witnessing it again. To me, the most frightening thing I've ever seen was Edward unconscious. Since vampires already balance on the tip of the knife dividing life and death, (hence the nickname _undead) _it was pretty much impossible to tell whether he was dead or alive. I held onto the fact that there was something humming in his chest when I rested my head on it. Still, the rulebook says vamps don't sleep, let alone lose consciousness. They might do the ritual (change clothes, close their eyes) but their brain always keeps on going, like a computer without a screensaver or a standby button. But as with everything; there is a plug, however difficult to pull. The fact I had a way to short circuit the system scared the hell out of me.

**FROZENFROZENFROZENFROZEN**

"Home, sweet home." Edward announced as we arrived at the mansion, pulling me out of my dark musings. Despite that, I noticed that my mood had improved a lot since I'd reunited with him. He'd helped me get something to feed on and in his company the act of ripping out the throat of a deer seemed natural rather than repulsive.

I don't know how long it took us to get back. There seemed to be no way of telling how slow time was passing, except by the measure of my own breathing and heartbeat. I hadn't had a watch in ages.

We'd partly gone over rooftops and partly by ground, drizzle descending upon us like a soft, humid blanket. We both didn't mind the wet. Edward once told me that whenever he needed to calm his fiery nature and have space to reflect, he'd walk by the water or through the rain.

Seeing him leap and climb with that creepy, liquid agility vampires have made me feel stiff in comparison, even though I wasn't doing so bad myself. It reminded me of the contrast between us, no matter how much he pressed that he'd had decades of training, while I was just a newborn. I was still learning. And wasn't the rule that the student should surpass the teacher? I didn't have the heart to bash his optimism.

"Bella!" Alice emerged from the mansion like a flash of lightning. "You came back!" She threw herself into me and it felt like being pummeled by a statue. I embraced her awkwardly. "Don't act all surprised, you knew I was coming," I reminded her and she laughed. The smile faded as she looked me over, scrutinizing my clothes. She shook her head and disappeared, leaving me. "What did I do?"

Edward was grinning from ear to ear beside me, showing a hint of the boyish charm that dominated his looks before. "Your wardrobe scared her off; you wouldn't believe how 'human' she's become. We even have Fashion TV and E-entertainment."

I snorted as he wrung the excess water from his shirt. "It's in-season to look like a homeless person. Just look at Lindsay Lohan or the Olsen twins." Edward rolled his eyes at that, either confirming my immaturity or attempting to hide that he lacked knowledge on the latest Cocaine sniffing Hollywood starlets.

The fact we were actually talking about things that trivial made the last year seem unreal. Or maybe I had Jasper to thank for the light mood; he had been observing us from the doorway ever since we arrived. The look Edward shot him confirmed my suspicions.

"Aren't you happy to see me, Hollywood?" Jasper owed his new nickname to his boyish good looks; he was like an eternally young Brad Pitt, minus the tan. He chuckled as he approached and I almost felt giddy. It was ridiculous to be so upbeat when the risk of things getting ugly was so big.

Edward raised his eyebrow at my bubble-brained behavior, but I could see there was humor in his eyes. Gradually, the others popped up as well. They were all happy to see me, Esme taking me into her arms with the concern of a mother and even Rosalie pulling off an awkward hug. A lump rose in my throat as their sincerity and warmth washed over me.

"You haven't changed a bit." Emmet, as usual tried to make me feel better, knowing that I was concerned that the aging process hadn't been stopped by the transition. He gave me a back crunching bear hug and dragged me inside the dry confinements of the house where Alice met me with a pile of fresh clothes.

I glared at Edward, who was fighting back a laugh at my obvious embarrassment. It still surprised me to see how physical everyone here was around eachother. I guessed it was because they didn't need to be worried about getting hurt, or maybe because they stood closer to nature than humans. Whatever the reason, I was happy to be a part of the ritual.

Tenseness hovered over us again as Carlisle joined us. Though he was smiling, I could see that worry overpowered. The moment of truth had arrived and I saw Edward stiffen beside me.

**FROZENFROZENFROZENFROZENFROZEN**

"No way!" My fists were clenched and my knees were shaking. A detached part of my mind wondered if they could hear the _ba-boom ba-boom_ in my chest as clearly as I did. "What if he doesn't get out of it, what then?" I shot Carlisle a pleading look, desperation coloring my voice..

"I survived 2 times so far," Edward reminded me quietly, but there was an edge to his voice. I turned on him, eyes blazing. "So you just figure you'll come out of it for a third time?" I was so angry. "Do you have any idea of what the hell you're asking me?" _Do you have any idea what it'll do to me if you get killed? _You might think I'm a whiney little bitch, but pardon me for not wanting to sign his death certificate.

Suddenly he was so close I couldn't breathe. "Yes I do. I'm asking you to take the plunge so we might have a chance of spending our lives together." He pinned me with a pleading look and I felt tears building up. I looked into his intense gold gaze, looked at the others, who were all awaiting my decision.

"I can't."

Suddenly, Edward released me and look a step back in one inhumanly liquid motion.

"Then I will." His voice struck at me as it might itself draw blood.

I was suddenly aware of several things happening. Alice rushed towards Edward, her lips moving, but I couldn't make out what. I looked at him confused, only to be met by that familiar probing, penetrating gaze he used on me when he didn't understand the meaning behind something I said. An ache built up behind my forehead.

Our gazes locked, connected by some invisible electrical current. My head felt clear all out of the sudden, like the blue sky before a storm. I stood petrified as I witnessed the widening of his pupils, then gasped for breath as suddenly an explosion of light flashed behind my eyelids. I doubled over as the shockwave that rocked through my spine, suddenly left me with crippling force.

My knees gave away, striking the hardwood floor, but for the first time I was able to look up. I watched in horror as Edward's head snapped back and he was sent flying into Alice.

The pixy haired girl caught him, preventing him from doing a wrecking ball impression with the wall. The impact drove them both to the floor, the force of it too much for Alice to handle.

The silence that followed was horrible. The thudding in my skull seemed intensified by the lack of sound around me. I shoved myself to a stand, my weakened muscles protesting against the sudden movement. My legs refused to cooperate when told to move and Jasper came to my aid when my knees buckled.

"Oh god, Edward." Carlisle, Alice and Esme were bent over his still form and Emmet was quietly talking to him, his --to my revved up ears-- normally booming voice surprisingly gentle. He was sitting behind him, letting Edward's head rest on his legs, occasionally patting his cheek in an attempt to get him to come around.

I sank to my knees next to them, blinking away tears. Edward's arms lay limp at his sides -- only the slight rise and fall of his muscular chest proving life. He looked so impossibly young and vulnerable, like a lost little boy. "You big idiot, why did you have to do that?" I whispered, running my hand through his hair, stroking his face. "If you bail out on me, I'll never forgive you." I wasn't going to add that there would be hell to pay either way. It might not be motivating.

"He won't," I looked up as Rosalie took in a place on Emmet's right side. A small smile crept over her face. "He loves you too much. And we all know how stubborn he is."

"Damn straight." The rough, raspy reply got everyone's attention. Edward blinked, trying to push himself into a sitting position. I slid my hand under him to support him and met his eyes, which were glassy and black like a sky without a moon. From peripheral vision I saw Carlisle grimace. .

"Welcome back, how was your trip?" I shot Alice a look, but she seemed genuinely interested. I wondered what she saw. Edward's dark eyes boiled with something I couldn't grasp. "Let's just say I think I know what nightmares are and leave it at that." His tone left no room for inquiries and something in it caused me to snap.

"You almost scared me to death, you know that? You want to know about nightmares –well, this was _my _worst nightmare! Did you have to drag me all the way back here so I could enjoy the sight of you crumpling at my feet like a puppet cut loose from it's strings? Or maybe you figured that enough shocks might finally put a stop to that damn beating heart of mine?"

I hadn't realized I'd grabbed a fistful of his shirt until I caught the look on his face. I knew what I threw at him wasn't fair, but I was too angry with him for handling my feelings so carelessly. My rage deflated as the possibility of losing him hit home full force. I seized him, wrapping my arms around him so tightly as if I was afraid he'd slip away from me at any moment. I buried my head in his chest, listening to that buzz going on in there, taking in his scent. "What were you trying to prove anyway?" My voice was softer now, muffled.

"I proved we were right."

I looked up at him, previous irritation flaring up again. I was so sick of this cryptic shit. "Are you going to let me in on that at all?"

"I call it 'The backlash.'" All heads turned to Carlisle. The doctor was sitting on one of the chairs, graceful as a leopard, immobile as stone. His youthful complexion couldn't entirely hide what he was; his mannerisms, attitude and his eyes revealed the fact I was actually sitting in front of someone who had been around for over 3 centuries. Not to mention that his gestures all had that creepy vampire fluency.

"Come again?" Was my brilliant reply.

His lips twitched, obviously amused by my bluntness. Or stupidity.

"Edward tried to read your thoughts. Unlike before, your mind didn't just parry it, it fought back." He chose his reply accordingly.

I stared at him stupidly, trying to wrap my head around his new piece of information.

"How is that possible…?"

"Do you remember Italy?" Edward cut in and I looked at him puzzled, not seeing what he was getting at. How could I _not _remember it?

"You were immune to everyone's ability. Your mind is impenetrable." He ran his hand over his mouth. "Carlisle thinks that the ability has intensified ever since I…changed you." It made sense…in a way.

"But _what _is it? Why does my head feel like it's going to shatter from the pressure everytime it happens? Why can't I control it?"

"One question at a time, Bella." Edward's teasing smile brightened his face and chased the shadows from his eyes. Still, seriousness could be seen in those dark depths and I looked down in embarrassment.

"You're saying her mind is like a fort with a real nasty guard dog?"

The low, rumbling voice belonged to Emmet, who was sitting cross legged next to Rosalie. Only he would come up with such a metaphor.

"Something like that. I'm not sure." This seemed to trouble Carlisle and I wondered how many times he stumbled upon a problem he _couldn't _solve.

"You'll probably get better at it." I hadn't noticed Edward detangling himself from me, but he was pacing now, like a caged tiger. "I remember when I tried to control my ability. At first it was driving me crazy, all those voices. When I thought I was going to lose it, I learned to tune them out. I also learned to focus on one voice, and to find the voice belonging to a particular individual. Getting where I am right now, in terms of my ability, took a lot of time and pain. I guess you can compare it to training a muscle you've never trained before. It hurts, it aches, but afterwards it grows to meet the demand."

I heard the unsaid. _And if trained regularly it will get accustomed to the demand. _

I wasn't going to train it regularly. Mind you, I'm not a brave person. Especially when it comes to the persons I care about. And the unknown. My so-called bravery that resulted in me hanging out with Edward in the first place was just a classic case of head-over-heels-in-love. You tend to be a bit more reckless if the reward is that irresistible.

My gut said my new _ability_ was bad news. I tend to trust my gut.

I looked at Edward when he grew silent, and I could feel the tension in the air. I had a feeling I wasn't going to like the words that would break that silence.

"There's thunder coming tonight." Alice threw the lifeline. "Anyone in for some baseball?" Everyone –including me—looked at her. "I think that would be a wonderful idea. We could all use some distraction." Esme grabbed it.

My gaze flickered to Edward. His shoulders were stiff and his jaw was set. He was as immobile as a statue weren't it for the disapproval brewing in that black gaze. "I guess I should give Emmet the opportunity to get his ass kicked." He was looked at me when he said it and I knew it was his way of saying sorry. I nodded at him. I also knew it was far from over. But when we left, cracking jokes and letting the rain saturate our hair, it made me believe for a moment that I had gotten my fairy tale happy ending.

I'd see what tomorrow would bring. I had one plan already: I'd go for a walk through the rain with Edward, to calm his fiery nature…

**TBCTBCTBCTBCTBC….**

**A/N: **Well, as always I hoped you all liked that. I know my writing tends to be different from SM, but I never intended this story to be a replacement of the book that should hit the shelves this summer. Still though, if you find something utterly wrong with my Bella and/or Edward, you should tell me. Any questions? Do ask! Reviews? PLEASE!


	6. Important notice

Hey everyone. Sorry to be misleading, this isn't a new chapter. First I want to say I'm sorry to those I left hanging for so long. It's just that Breaking Dawn came and it was such a disappointment to me, the entire Twilight Universe sort of fell apart. And then there was the entire hype that sort of backfired for me. (I mean, Edward and Bella perfume with glitters? *snorts*) Nothing in the previous books felt true anymore. Ofcourse people will disagree with me on this (a close friend of mine loved BD) but that's how I felt and I had a major writers block.

Anyway, one movie later and one coming up, I decided to read New Moon and Eclipse again and well, I still like the characters enough to continue this story. Besides that I hate leaving work unfinished unless I absolutely have to. I've pondered changing my writing style (since it differs so much from SM and all) but I decided that I'm not here to copy her , so I'll remove some grammatical errors but otherwise I'm gonna leave it untouched. I have a good idea where I'm going to take the story, so new chapters will be up in around June 12th (that's when my finals end.)

Thanks everyone who added the story to their favorites, everyone who reviewed and every casual reader who took the time to go through it all. It means a lot to me. So now I'm going to hold up my end of the deal and continue the story.

~Maverick


End file.
